When I was a kid, we didn’t have internet or phone apps that make it look like a spider is crawling across someone’s face. We had to think up our own practical jokes, and we had a lot of them.
We would call random numbers and when someone answered, we’d say in our best grownup voice, “This is the electric company. Is your refrigerator running?” When they told us it was, we would snicker and say, “You better run outside and catch it.”
Or we’d call mom-and-pop stores and ask them if they had Prince Albert in a can. Prince Albert was a popular cigarette and pipe tobacco and came in a cool canister. When they said they did, we’d laugh and say, “You better let him out so he can breathe.”
I still have my first-grade report card and it still has the handwritten note at the bottom from my teacher, Delight Garmany. “Neal is an exceptional student except for the occasional snake.” Throwing snakes on girls and teachers was old reliable. As I got older, I stopped doing that because rubber snakes were easier to get and looked realistic.
Many times in elementary school, I’d buy a canned Coke at the breakroom. I’d break the pull top off, shake it up as much as I could, and take it to the lunchroom ladies and ask them to open it for me. They were always happy to help, and you can guess what happened. The contents would erupt all over them.
Remember the little bag of snake eggs? When people would open the top of the little envelope-type bag to peek inside, it would release the pressure on a small windup rubber-band mechanism, making it spin quickly to create a rattlesnake sound. And making the person scream and throw said bag. Those were awesome.
The old strength contest trick was another favorite. Have a person put their elbow on the table and make a fist. You then see if you can pull their arm down. Of course, you’re not really trying. You suddenly let your hand slip off making them punch themselves right in the nose. That never failed. You have to really like someone to do that.
There were all sorts of things you could order out of magazines too. The most popular was the Whoopie Cushion. And there were the binoculars that left a black ring around the person’s eyes. By the time I went to college, you could pick up all kinds of gag gifts at Spencer’s in the malls. That was the only store I would visit in malls. Do they still have those?
Guess that’s why April Fool’s Day is still my favorite day.
Neal Wooten is a columnist in the Mountain Valley News and North Jackson Press newspapers. He can be reached at [email protected].
