By Neal Wooten
For those who don’t follow comics, Bizarro is a supervillain created in a lab either using Superman’s DNA, or with the use of a faulty cloning machine, or whatever. He created Bizarro World where everyone is the opposite of themselves on Earth.
I didn’t need a lab experiment to become Bizarro Neal. I only needed time. As I get older, everything about me changes. When I was growing up on Sand Mountain, I couldn’t stand staying at home. I always wanted to go to town, or fishing, or camping, or anywhere besides that hog farm. Now, home is about the only place I want to be. Concert? No thanks. Braves game? I’m good. Chinese buffet? Uh…yeah, let me change.
I was a daredevil. I would climb hills on my dirt bike that would make a goat dizzy. Snow skiing, water skiing, cave exploring, whitewater rapids, bungie jumping, cliff diving, jumping off bridges, ziplining, you name it. The more dangerous, the better. Now, when I walk out of my house, I take the wheelchair ramp (there when I bought the place) because the first step is kind of high.
I always wanted to be where there were a lot of people, and the party would last all night. There were many times I crawled home in the morning light, slept a few hours, and was fully recharged ready to go again. Now, when someone invites me to an event, I have only two questions: “Are there going to be a lot of people there?” and “What time will this thing be over?”
I used to love road trips. I would take off to anywhere on a whim. I have driven to Las Vegas, Disney Land in California, and the Florida Keys. I once got snowed in for a week in Helena, Montana and I once drove to Wausau, Minnesota. But now I cringe thinking of driving to my mom’s house because it’s six miles away.
I was never a snazzy dresser, but I always bought new clothes and name-brand shoes. Now, if I can’t find it at Goodwill, I figure I don’t need it. I used to love going to the movies and often went to midnight premieres to see a movie as soon as possible. I have only been to the movie theater once since moving back here in 2016 and could only think of getting home.
Now, if you read this and get the impression that I’m boring, I’ll just say, “Yes. Thank you for understanding this article.” Bizarro Neal is boring and lame. It’s like now that I can finally afford to do all the things I want to do, there’s nothing I want to do.
