By Rita Fay River
Howdy ever budy! Aftr eze 90° dayz, I’m neer bout jonzin fer fall alredy. Bet yu didn’t thank I knod that werd, did ye? Well, I’ve started tryin ta lern a new werd ever weak an iss weak’z werd is jonzin. Iss here’z my furst weak at the new werd thang. So be on the luk out fer all the new werdz I’m a gonna be a lernin. An by the end uv the yar me an y’all will have mor than 25 new werdz in air vo-kab-u-lary. By the way, spellin don’t count. I never wuz tu gud a speller. Enyhow, the werd jonzin meenz sumbudy whut wontz sumpthin powerful bad, thay’z jonzin fer it. Seemz lack in the winner time we’re a jonzin fer sumer, an in the sumer we’re a jonzin fer winner. My pappy had hiz 65th burfday tuther day an we throwd him a big pardy. He’z a mite shuk up when we all jumpt out and yelled sirprized. We fount out jest how sirprized a person kan be when he let out a strang uv cuss werdz that wud reech frum here to Tim-Buck-Tu an back. Ye kno, I’ve always wunderd why thay call it throwin a party. Granted, I wuz neer bout redy ta throw sumpthin at sumbudy afore it wuz all over, but ifn I reck-a-lect thay call that throwin a fit. That’z sumpthin all ta-gather dif-runt. That’z wun uv them partyz whut no budy wonts ta go tu. Well, I spect that’z all I beter say bout that.
Dear Rita,
I’ve recently realized that I have developed anger issues at work. It seems that everything my boss says I immediately determine that it’s a lie. I don’t like being this way. What do you suggest I do to get back to my normal happy-go-lucky self?
Sugar Britches, I kno jest whut ye meen. Sumtimez the thotz in my head get sa bored thay go out fer a stroll, an come strate out my mouth. That’z rarly a gud thang. But I jest gotta say, sumtimz them bossez kan be a mite un-truss-werthy, ifn ye kno whut I meen. Leestwize that’z the way it seemz ta me. Now I kno whut all yu bossez out thare er a thankin, “Y’all jest don’t kno bout all the presh-erz thay iz bein a boss in charge uv a bunch uv lazy werkerz whut wudn’t hit a lick at a snake ifn it wuz quiled up bout ta strike at em.” Well, Sweetie, iss here’z the thang. Ever cents thay’z been bossez an werkerz thay’z been miss-under-standinz batwixt bossez an werkerz. The bossez thank’z the werkerz orta put out jest a little more werk and the werkerz thank’z the bossez er a mite overbarin when it comez ta wantin them ta do mor and mor. Iss here iz my su-jest-yun, thay needz ta be a little mor give an take on bof endz uv the thang. I’ve all ways tried ta put myself in the uther feller’z shoes, not literally mind ye, that’z jest gross. The way sum folkz feet stink I shore wudn’t wanna be in thair shoes. Enyhow, I’ve fount it’z usually harder ta be mad at sumbudy ifn ye have a little better understandin uv whut thay’re goin thru. Ifn that don’t werk, tell that thare sucker ta take hiz job an shuve it whare the sun don’t shine, an get outta thare. I wudn’t wanna werk fer a lier, no way, no how. Thay’z tu meny jobz out thare lukin fer sumbudy lack yu ta fill the bill.
Well, I spect that’z a nuff uv that. I’ll see ye nex time. By now!
