Howdy everbudy, iss here’z Rita River comin at ye frum down town Langstun, ret next ta the Ten-a-sea River. Leeme jest say I’m sittin here a hopin that ye’re getin out thare an njoyin iss warm son shinney wether. I kno I shore am. The fish iz a bitin an so iz the skeeters, the music iz a blastin jest lack em thare pintos Bubba et fer supper lass nite, thay’z a gentle breeze blowin an thank the Good Lord I’m up wind uv Bubba. Life jest don’t get no better than iss ret here. The onliest thang whut wud make it eny beter wud be ifn all that thare pollen wud go away an never come back. Coarse, ifn we didn’t have all that thare pollen we wudn’t have nun uv them purdy flarz an bloomin treez neether, so I spect we gotta take the bad ret along side uv the gud.
Well, Eesster iz comin up in a cuple uv weaks an I jest wanna get everbudy in the Eesster frame uv mind wif eezz here poemz. I shore hope ye lack em.
The furst wun iz: Bunniez, eggz an jellie beanz, but that’z not all that Eester meenz, thare’z a nuther mesege tu, the Big Guy died fer me an yu.
An tuther wun iz: The Eesster egg is holler, jest lack thay fount the tumb, it’z ment ta rep-re-zent, that Christ rizzed up fer yu.
Dear Rita,
My husband is really good at fixing things, but he doesn’t always fix them the way I would like for them to be fixed. Do you have that problem with Bubba?
Land a Goshen, Honey, yu better kno I do. Ifn thay’z sumpthin tore up in er around the River house I jest pray that I kan get sumbudy out thare ta fix it afore Bubba gets home frum werk. He thankz az long az it werkz it don’t madder whut it lukz lack. I finley lernt not ta tell him when I got sumpthin in the kitchen whut don’t werk jest rite. I jest call Billy Bob’z Fixit Shop and tell em I gotta have if fixed afore 3:00pm. Thay kno why, cuz thay’ve seed sum uv Bubba’z fixinz afore. Madder uv fact, it wuz Billy Bob whut sug-jested that I du it thata way, so’s Bubba wudn’t hafta kno bout it a tall. Fer bout tu yarz now the inside door handle on Bubba’z truck, iz ackshully a 9mm wranch, cuz Bubba sayd, “Them thare Ford hanlz keep on a brakin, sidez nobudy ever needz a 9mm wranch enyhow.
Dear Rita,
We went to a family reunion last weekend and there were so many young children there that I didn’t know. I can’t believe how fast the children grow up. Do you and Bubba enjoy going to family reunions?
Sugar Britches, we jest luv it. Sides getting ta see all the kissin cuzinz we get ta eat all that thare de-lish-us food. At the lass family re-u-yon we pult up bout 9:30 AM, and the drankin wuz alreedy well underway. Well, Bubba Ray’z granny, Mrs. Faynell River (whut’z sufferin frum de-mint-ya met all the relatives agen and she’d jest go on an on bout how purdy everbudy wuz. I whispered ta Bubba, “How long haz it ben cents thay’ve had her eyez chekt?” Bubba’z Unkle Chuck wuz warin jest a pear uv overallz an had a three-legged dog at hiz side, whut wuz namd Lucky. Lucky jest had three legz cuz wun uv hers had got kawt in a bar trap, er so Uncle Chuck sayd. Ta make a long storee shorter, the day ended wif wun uv Bubba’z drunk relatives drivin a tractor inta the lake.
Well, I spect that’z a nuff uv that. I’ll see ye nex week. By now!
