Years ago in Milwaukee, I saw where they were looking for someone for a magazine ad. It read, “Must be a big guy, bald, with a Hulk Hogan mustache.” Hey, that’s me. I auditioned and got the job. They provided a skull t-shirt and sleeveless vest to make me look like a biker. The photoshoot took 45 minutes and I made $500. The ad in the magazine showed me dangling over a bridge with two seven-year-old kids holding me. It was for a suicide hotline. Pretty cool.
A few months later, I got a small role as a wealthy museum donor (talk about a stretch) in a Danny Trejo movie. All of my scenes were filmed at a museum in West Bend, Wisconsin. My now ex-wife was there, and we were speaking with several actresses who were in the movie.
When one asked what I did, Maggie blurted out, “He’s a professional model.”
I don’t get embarrassed easily, but my cheeks turned a tad red. It’s not that it wasn’t technically accurate; it’s just that it painted a misleading picture as if that was my real job and I made a career out of it. Let’s face it, when you look at me, “professional model” is not what automatically pops into your head. Seriously, how many roles could there be for a short, fat, bald guy with a cool mustache?
About six months ago, a friend asked me to start coming to a seniors’ aerobics class. I have been kayaking for over a year and that has helped me get in a little better shape, but this aerobics class was just what I needed. At first, I could only do it for five minutes before having to rest. But I stuck with it. Pretty soon, I could go all the way through.
Things escalated quickly from that point. First, I was asked to fill in sometimes with the strength-training portion of the class. I loved that. Then I was asked to start leading some of the aerobics classes. I bought a Bluetooth speaker and MP3, downloaded some oldies. (and by oldies, I mean songs from my late teens), and put together a routine.
Now I lead the class in both aerobics and strength training at Minvale Baptist Church Life Center every Monday. It’s free so come join us at 9:00 am. And Tuesday through Friday, I do the same at my building by the airport.
When people now ask me what I do, I suppose I could say, “I’m a professional model, actor, and aerobics instructor.” But trust me, those words will never escape my lips. I’ll stick with my usual comeback. “Uh… I write a little.”
Neal Wooten is a columnist in the Mountain Valley News and North Jackson Press newspapers. He can be reached at [email protected].
